Thread: cool joke

One Early morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up
MOM : "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school."
SON : "But why, Mama? I don't want to go to school."
MOM : "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school."
SON : "One, all the chilldren hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me."
MOM : "Oh! that's not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school."
SON : "Give me two good reasons WHY I *should* go to school?"
MOM : "One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old and should understand your responsibilities. Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of the school.
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In a third world country, an old Italian priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had faithfully served the people in his parish and its suburbs.

He gestured to his nurse to come near. “Yes Father?” said the nurse.

“I would really like to see the Head of State and his Second-in-Command before I die” whispered the priest.

“I’ll see what I can do, Father” replied the nurse and with a heavy heart contacted the authorities concerned and waited for a response.

Soon a message arrived that the Head of State and his Second-in-Command would be delighted to visit the priest.

As they were nearing the hospital the Head of State told his Second-in-Command, “I wonder why the old priest wanted to see us at this point in time.”

His Second-in-Command couldn’t help but agree.

When they arrived at the priest’s room, the priest held the hand of the Head of State with his right hand and his Second-in-Command’s with his left.

There was pin drop silence and a look of serenity on the face of the old priest.

Finally the Head of State addressed the priest, “Father, of all the people you know, why did you choose us to be with you as you are nearing the end?”

The old priest slowly but clearly replied, “I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ.”

“Praise God” said the Head of State and his Second-in-Command in one voice.

The old priest continued…..

“Christ died between two thieves. I would like to die in a similar way!”
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clever e-mail

This has got to be one of the most clever
E-mails I've received in awhile.
Someone out there either has too much
spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.
(Wait till you see the last one)!


DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM


PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER



ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER



DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES: !
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE


GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE



THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS



SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME


ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY



ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S


A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE



THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE




AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:



MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER


Yep! Someone with waaaaaaaaaaay
too much time on their hands! (Probably a son-in-law).
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plastic surgery is not that great
A 60 year old woman was walking along 5th Avenue when she heard a voice from above "You will live to be 100."
She looked around and didn t see anyone. Again she heard "You will live to be 100."
Boy, she thought to herself, that was the voice of God. I ve got 40 more years to live! So off she went to the plastic surgeon. She got everything fixed from head to toe. When she left the plastic surgeon s office, she got hit by a bus,died, and went up to heaven.
She said to God "You told me I would live to be 100. I was supposed to have had 40 more years. So how come you let the bus kill me?".
God said: "I didn t recognize you".

only 1st makes me laugh