Thread: Best Jokes Posted Daily By Shokz Personally Handpicked

I don't understand why people blame us for not studying.........


Explained below... *

Days in a year=365

*Sundays =52(for rest) *days left=313

*Summer vacations=60 day (weather is so hot one cant study) *days left=253

*8 hours for daily sleep=122days *days left=131

*1 hour for daily play=15 days (good for health) *days left=116

*2 hours for daily food=30 days days left=86

*Examination days=30 days (taking exams is necessary) *days left=56

*Winter vacations=25 days (weather is so cold one cant study) *Other holidays (like eid,14 August etc)=20 days *days left =11

*Normal fever and flu=8 days (no one can help it) days left=3

*Result days=3(going & taking result is necessary) *days left=0

NOW tell me where is the time to study???????????????? *

The boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect.

The next day, he brought a small sign that
Read:

"I'm the Boss !"

He then taped it to his office door.

Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said:
.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.
" Your wife called, she wants her sign back!"

If you r in
Tension

if nothing seems
going right

If you find
no way out

then just
think of ME

O
N
C
E

o
n
L
y

I
WILL
B
THERE
2
I=N=C=R=E=A=S=E
ur
TENSION!.

Laloo Prasad Yadav talks to his son to get married

Laloo : I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son : "I want to choose my own bride".

Laloo : "But the girl is Ambani's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case......Yes"

Next Laloo approaches Mukesh Ambani

Laloo : "I have a husband for your daughter."
Ambani : "But my daughter is too young to marry."

Laloo : "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank." Ambani : "Ah, in that case.....Yes"

Finally Laloo goes to see the president of the World Bank.

Laloo : "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president." President :"But I already have more vice-presidents than I need."

Laloo : "But this young man is Ambani's son-in-law."
President : "Ah, in that case.......Yes."

Now this is how business is done!!

This is a collection of leave letters and applications written by
people in various places of India.

NJOY!!!!!!!!!!!!

1. A student's leave letter:
"As I am suffering from my uncle's marriage I cannot attend the
class...."
---------------------------------------------
2. A candidate's application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a 'typist And an
accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both for the past Several
years and I can handle both; I am applying for the post."
---------------------------------------------
3. I.T.I., Bangalore: An employee applied for leave as follows:
Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife.
Please sanction me one-week leave.
---------------------------------------------
4. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clocks and I may not
return, please grant me half day casual leave"
---------------------------------------------
5. A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I! am suffering from headache. I
request you to leave me today"
---------------------------------------------
6. An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."
---------------------------------------------
7. Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day.
---------------------------------------------
8. A covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..."
---------------------------------------------
9. From H.A.L. Administration dept:
As my mother-in-law has expired and I am responsible for it, Please
grant me 10 days leave.
---------------------------------------------
10. Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband At
home I may be granted leave".
---------------------------------------------
11. Letter writing:
"I am in well here and hope you are a! lso in the same well."
---------------------------------------------
12. Another gem from I.T.I. Leave-letter from an employee who was
Performing his daughter's wedding:
"As I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's
leave..."

Stress Reliever # 1
>
> Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
>
> Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at
> your picture and the problem disappears.
>
> Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
>
> Hubby: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem
> can there be greater than this one?"
>
>
> __________________________________________________ ____
>
> Stress Reliever # 2
>
> Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles
> and lighten your burden.
>
> Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or
> troubles.
>
> Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.
>
________________________________________ ___________________
>
>
> Stress Reliever # 3
>
> Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to
> give up my seat to a lady.
>
> Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
>
> Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
>
>
> __________________________________________________ ________
>
>
>
> Stress Reliever # 4
>
> A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my
> father hadn't left me a fortune?"
>
> "Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER
> WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"
>
>
> __________________________________________________ __________
>
> Stress Reliever # 5
>
> Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
>
> Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
>
> "
>
> ________________________________________ ____________________
>
> Stress Reliever # 6
>
> Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a
> millionaire?"
>
> Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
>
> Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you
> married her?"
>
> Millionaire: "A Billionaire"
>
>
> __________________________________________________ _______
>
> Stress Reliever # 7
>
> Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
>
> The guy replies: Thanks for the warning.
>
>
> __________________________________________________ ________

> Stress Reliever # 8
>
> A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me - my pretty
> face or my sexy body?"
>
> He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of
> humour."

that was nice.......

Hindi Jokes

Munna bhai: Agar bina danto ka kutta kate to kya karna chahiye?
Circuit: Simple bhai... Bina sui ka injection lagane ka!

*

Kuri waley Munde nu: Tusi nonveg khandey ho?
Munda: Haan
Sharaab?
Haan
Drugs?
Haan
Jua?
Haan
Sab kuch negative hai, kuch positive ve hai?
Munda: Haanji, HIV+

*

Sachin’s Daughter: Yeh Kya, Daddy Sixer pe Sixer maare jaa rahe hain Hain?
Sachin’s Wife: Arey beta, yeh toh ADVERTISEMENT Hai !

*

Ab tak meri life ek khuli botal thi,
jis mein se sab perfume ki tarah ud jata tha.
Par aap ke aane se sab kuch ruk gaya,
Bhagwan kare aap jaisa DHAKKAN sabko miley.

*

1980 girls: Maan mei Jeans pehanungi
Maan : Nahin beti log kya kahengey?
2006 girls: Maan mein mini skirt pehanungi
Maan: Pehen le beti kuch to pehan le!

*

Lamha Lamha Waqt Guzar Jayega,
Chand Lamhon Men Exam Sar Pe Ajayega,
Abhi Bhi Waqt Hai Do Line Padh Lo,
Warna Paas Kia Munna Bhai Karwae Ga!