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  #16 (permalink)  
Old 05-06-2007
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Talking Kids are Smarter than Teachers
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America

MARIA: Here it is.

TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?

CLASS: Maria.

____________________________________

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables! .

__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"

GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L"

TEACHER: No, that's wrong

GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

____________________________________________

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?

DONALD: H I J K L M N O.

TEACHER: What are you talking about?

DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

__________________________________

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.

WINNIE: Me!

__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?

GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

_______________________________________

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."

MILLIE: I is...

TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."

MILLIE: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

_________________________________

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father¢s cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?

LOUIS: Because George still had the ax in his hand.

______________________________________

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?

SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?

CLYDE: No, teacher, it's the same dog.

__________________________________

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

HAROLD: A teacher
  #17 (permalink)  
Old 05-06-2007
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Talking Learn Chinese In Five Minutes
Learn Chinese in 5 minutes!!

OK read the English meaning and then "OUT LOUD" say the Chinese words...

(You MUST read them out loud or it doesn't make as much sense)...

1) That's not right.................................... Sum Ting Wong

2) Are you harboring a fugitive................... Hu Yu Hai Ding

3) See me ASAP.......................................... Kum Hia Nao

4) Stupid Man............................................. Dum Fuk

5) Small horse........................................ Tai Ni Po Ni

6) Did you go to the beach?....................... Wai Yu So Tan

7) I bumped in to a coffee table........... Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni

8) I think you need a face lift...................... Chin Tu Fat

9) It's very dark in here.............................. Wao So Dim

10) I thought you were on a diet............... Wai Yu Mun Ching

11) This is a tow away zone....................... No Pah King

12) staying out of sight.............................. Lei Ying Lo

13) He's cleaning his automobile................ Wa Shing Ka

14) Your body odor is offensive.................. Yu Stin Ki Pu

15) Great............................................. ..... Fa Kin Su Pah
  #18 (permalink)  
Old 05-06-2007
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Talking French Toast
Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he’d like to eat. "I’ll have some ****in’ French toast," he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. "Well, I guess that leaves more ****in’ French toast for me," he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away. Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast. "I don’t know," he says meekly, "but I definitely don’t want the ****in’ French toast."
  #19 (permalink)  
Old 05-06-2007
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Talking 24 hour grocery
Last night I went to a 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours." He goes: "Not in a row!"
  #20 (permalink)  
Old 05-06-2007
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Talking Lost Grandson
A Jewish grandmother is watching her grandchild playing on the beach when a huge wave comes and takes him out to sea. She pleads, "please God, save my only grandson. I beg of you, bring him back." And a big wave comes and washes the boy back onto the beach, good as new. She looks up to heaven and says: "He had a hat!"
  #21 (permalink)  
Old 05-06-2007
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Talking Two Tramps
Age inappropriate
Last edited by Cyborg; 05-19-2007 at 08:59 AM.
  #22 (permalink)  
Old 05-06-2007
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Talking Drunk father and a protitute mother
Repost by u
Last edited by Cyborg; 05-19-2007 at 08:59 AM.
  #23 (permalink)  
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Talking A very intresting love story.
Love story : Hero loves heroine , but heroine loves the villain.
But villain loves hero's sister,and hero's sister loves heroine's brother .
Here, heroine's brother loves villain's sister .
But villain's sister loves hero's brother. Again!, hero's brother is also interested in heroine , and you alredy know that heroine loves villain.
Finally 2 people commits sucide.

Who're they?


Producer and the Director
  #24 (permalink)  
Old 05-07-2007
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Thumbs up Award winning joke
This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition organized in Britain and this joke was sent by an Indian ........
Banta Strikes Back!!!


Banta Singh walks into a bar in Ludhiana & orders
three glasses of Beer and sits in the back of the room,
drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender asks him, "You know, beer goes flat after I fill it in the glass; it would taste better if you bought one at a time."

Banta Singh replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Dubai, the other in Canada, and I'm here in Ludhiana. When they left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
Banta Singh becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the sameway. He orders three Beers and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and orders only two Beers. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round,
the bartender says," I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."

Banta Singh looks confused for a moment, then alight dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh, no," he, says, "Everyone's fine - both my brothers are alive".

"Only thing is ---- I've just quit drinking"!!!!!!
  #25 (permalink)  
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Talking Indian Hell
A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes to the German hell and asks, "What do they do here?" He told,"First they put you in an electric chair for An hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then The German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
The man does not like the sound of that at all,so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.
Then he comes to the Indian hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?" He told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Indian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day." "But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in?"
"Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work,someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the canteen!!!!!!
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Talking cool mahabharat
Doubt in Mahabharat :
In some remote village of India, one masterji is
teaching the Mahabharat katha to class 6 students. He
is at the 'krishnajanma' part of it.

Masterji: "Kansa heard the akashwani that his sister's
8th child is going to kill him. He was furious. He
ordered to put vasudev n devki behind the bars. First
son is born, and kansa kills him by poisoning...
Second one is born n kansa throws him off the
mountain peak. Third one is born..."

Now Ramu, who is smartest of the lot, puts up his
hand. Masterji, I have a doubt (sounding nervous n
confused)

Masterji: "Ramu bete, whole india does not have doubt
in mahabharata then how come u have one?"

Ramu : Masterji, if Kansa knew that Devaki's 8th child
was going to Kill him, WHY THE HELL DID HE PUT
'VASUDEV' AND' DEVAKI ' IN THE SAME JAIL ???

Masterji fainted.........................
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Smile Some facts about Bruce Lee
1) What is Bruce Lee's favorite vegetable?
Ans: Mu Lee
2) What does Bruce Lee like to have for lunch?
Ans: Tha Lee
3) What happens to the theatre once a Bruce Lee movie is over ?
Ans: Kha Lee
4) What is Bruce Lee's sister-in-law's name?
Ans: Saa Lee
5) Bruce Lee's favorite breakfast?
Ans: Id Lee
6) Bruce Lee's favourite festival
Ans: Diwa Lee
7) Bruce Lee's favorite Actress
Ans: Sona lee
8) Bruce Lee's favorite Music
Ans: Qawa lee
9) What is Bruce Lee's most interesting job?
Ans: Coo Lee
10) When did Bruce Lee die?
Ans: Final Lee
11) How did Bruce Lee die?
Ans: With a Go Lee
12) What is Bruce Lee's favorite hill station
Ans: Kulu Mana Lee
13)What is Bruce Lee's nick name?
Ans: Mawa Lee
14)What is Bruce Lee's favorite Hindi movie?
Ans:Gharwa LEE Baharwa LEE
15)Who is Bruce Lee's favourite cricketer?
Ans:Saurav Gangu LEE
16)Which God does Bruce Lee pray too?
Ans: Bajrang ba LEE
  #28 (permalink)  
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