lolz, nice one
translation for the dumb asses

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first one-
Wife says: It would have been so nice if I would have been a book and would have been in front of your eyes every day.
Husband says: It would have been so nice if you would have been a calender so that I would have changed it every year
second one-
Wife says: Before marriage you used to give me so many gifts, why don't you do so now?
Husband says: Have you ever heard of fisherman giving fish food after catching here.
Translation spoils the fun of it, so these jokes might not sound that funny
